LittleMsDaisy's

Sinking feeling. Just one of those days where I feel like bawling my eyes out and cry like a dead soldier’s wife. Sigh..

It has been nearly a month since I last saw you. You left as easily as you came.

For the past 7 years, you got all of us to love you indefinitely. Your presence which changed all our lives drastically. How you made Abah smile every time you threw yourself on the ground to show your temper. How you irritated Mak in the middle of the night asking for food. How you battled with Kak Ina for the airline blanket which you loved so much. How you intentionally roll your eyes every time Kak Aye came near you. How you jump on your feet and chased me for food and attention every morning.

I wish you knew how you grounded us all. How you were able to bring all of our dejected selves together. How you managed to save all of us from ourselves in one way or another. Everyone is missing you badly. We tried looking for you everyday for the past 4 weeks. Notices and phone calls and endless lookouts. So far it has come to no avail. Our hopes are running thin, but now and then, glimpses of positivity runs through us and we began hoping again. Even in your absence, you managed to console us, ironically.

Every night and day I think of you. Things around me reminds me too much of you. Even bad memories turned good because you were there to make me feel safe. Honestly, I’m quite broken up inside. You were the one thing I could talk to when things went spiraling out of control. I remembered crying to my heart’s content during ‘that’ period of time, and I buried my face in your fur, and you laid your paw and head on my head as though telling me that you understand. You’ve never felt more human to me. That day you stayed with me in my room for a very long time though you hardly do so. All you did was to look at me with that wide green eyes of yours and I felt so much better.

It’s going to be Ramadhan soon. You came to our house 7 years ago, during Ramadhan. We never knew your actual birthday, so we measured your age with the number of fasting month we have been through together. You swayed our hearts with your unique charm and we fell hook, line and sinker.

There were no regrets because I think you knew how much we loved you. You brought out the good in all of us just by being yourself. You’ve brought about so much happiness in all of us, more than anyone has ever shown to us, well at least to me. You were the one thing I look forward to every day. My daily routine for the past 7 years of smelling your head and tummy to forget the days’ stress when I reach home from work. I can still remember your distinct smell. Your loud purring when I carried you in my arms. Your yelp for help when I had to pin you down to wash you. Your commanding mew when you’re hungry. Your crankiness when you’re sleepy. Your insecurity every time we come back from a short trip. Your intolerance for my mother’s family (oh how alike we were when it comes to this).

Tonight I’d probably be dreaming of you again, as of every other night. I’ve accepted your absence as yet another challenge from god. All I wish for is that you’ve found another home and are safe and well taken care of. Insya allah, with god’s will, if you’re meant to come back to us, you would. Abah said you might slowly forget us, but I hope that you won’t. I hope wherever that you are, you will find it in your heart to remember us.. I miss you so much Jaja.

This would be 2months and a day after I last wrote in here. Nothing much to glorify about but I feel its worth the effort to congratulate myself on not relying on technology to express myself. As I grow older, and wider (another tale at another time), I feel more and more dehumanized. Therefore it has been my mission, this year at least, to not attach myself to any particular online applications to ‘express’ myself. It could be the reserved me speaking but I feel that its healthier to not go in that direction. The world seems too small as it is, and I feel that it is necessary to be in awe (or blatantly oblivious) when discovering something new about this world and its components.

Well anyhow, life’s been a blessing but not any easier naturally. However, its great that I am able to seek solace and peace at work in my cosy cubicle, with a few but close group of people whom I am proud to call friends. 2 years in the service and I’m still adjusting to the idea of working. Yeah, call me a late bloomer. There’s just some things which requires time.

Speaking of time, I finally understood the need to enjoy the precious time I spent out of the working hours. 24 hours is never enough isn’t it? Well not in this country anyways. There’s a deadline for everything. At times I find myself giving ultimatums to the time I have to visit the girl’s room. ‘By 2pm, I should go to the toilet and that is it! No other time will do.’ Sad situation it has become. Just when you think you can have a breather, along comes another ‘deadline’ waltzing in. Sigh..

Well on to the next, I say! Another deadline awaits tomorrow. So I should probably get out of this comfort zone for now. It has been a rather general update of some things, which I felt should be left as such. Good night world..

Yours truly,
Miss D

My epitome of how love should be about…sincerity and respectful. Oh not to mention poetic.

Yours lovingly,
Miss D