1) Part-time Degree application
My first reason to be thankful and extremely jittery about. I’ve collected my books and lessons will commence at the end of the month. The next 3 to 4 years will be very challenging what with work and family commitments but insya allah I will pull through this. I should be very thankful that I will do this with my sister. Least the griping and mugging session and extreme exhaustion will be a shared one.

2) House application
Alhamdullilah our house application was approved despite the fact that our queue number fell out of the quota. We were asked to do a flat selection at the final phase and alhamdullilah we got it. Expected date of completion is 2014. Both our families were thrilled with the fact that we got the house on our first try. These built-to-order houses is a good test of perseverance and crazy emotions!

3) Engagement plans
So the engagement ring has been picked by the dear boy. Being the miser that I am, naturally, my first and subsequent reactions was be that it’s too pricey. But after much discussions, I finally agreed. And no, he did not propose with a ring. We come from a family with certain values and culture. Hence, the whole engagement thing has to go through the elders and family. Strangely, I don’t quite mind the whole process. It makes me feel more closer to my roots and tightens the family bond and my bond with him. I have no qualms about that. Insya allah, the engagement will take place at the end of December or early January.

It has been a smooth sailing journey thus far. Positive emotions running through both our veins. It has been extremely exhilarating and overwhelming and I have every reason to count every little blessings that’s been bestowed upon me. I have questions still lingering in my head of the what-ifs. However, for now, I feel that this is the right thing to do and he is the one who will make my life a meaningful journey. All my life, that is what I’ve been praying for. To have a meaningful life and Allah has not disappoint me so far. Right now, all I ask is for good health and focus to do what is needed.

Growing up isn’t that bad after all.

Yours,
Ms Daisy

We are planning for the next step in our relationship, and it has taken a toll on me. For every step forward, I feel that I’m taking a step back or circumstances are pushing me a step back. And I admit, I am angry. Being the impatient person that I am, I would like to get it over and done with though I know its not going to be that easy. What makes me angry is that I would like for him to be on the same side as I am too. I know its not like a battlefield but I just want him to listen, understand and empathize. Tell me that everything will be alright and that we will work things out together. He is a very patient person but he is really shutting down walls on this discussion. Its a happy event and I would like for us to be happy in planning it. However, its slowly driving us away from each other. I understand that these are challenges we have to face. But this is the right thing for us to do right?

Every night before sleeping, I thank Allah for blessing me with my perfectly-imperfect family and for crossing our paths. I know that there’s a reason as to why it’s him whom I choose to love. I also know that I should love him for Allah’s sake. For now, all I could ask is for Allah to give us the strength we need to face this challenge together and learn to love each other with a purpose and not just superficially. Sigh..there’s so much questions in my head and heart. I think I’ll just stop here for now. Good night dear space.

Love,
Ms Daisy

Don’t get me wrong, all my previous relationships does hold some meaning at some point. But mostly, the feeling of a wasted investment concludes the whole situation. No love is worth the heartache and pain unless its for God and family. This school of thought has been further reinforced after going through some insightful experience with my pupils. The love of a mother for her child with a learning disability who is willing to leave her high paying job so that she is able to help her child. A child watching his mother battle terminal stage cancer. A child with slow (physical and mental) developments learning to like school after so much challenges. These events has taught me so much about love and the painstaking effort each of us take to love our family, love ourselves and even the heartache of losing love.

Sometimes love is all the nice words to a song. It is also all the tears we shed on our pillows in the secret of the night. It is also the control we feel to not break apart from life’s challenges. It is the warm tingle we feel when we hug our loved ones. The long whiff on our pets’ fur we take after a long day. The love we feel when we talk to God in our prayers. We might deny love at some point, but everyone will experience this feeling of love and come to love it. Its just a case of who and why.

For the past 7 years, you got all of us to love you indefinitely. Your presence which changed all our lives drastically. How you made Abah smile every time you threw yourself on the ground to show your temper. How you irritated Mak in the middle of the night asking for food. How you battled with Kak Ina for the airline blanket which you loved so much. How you intentionally roll your eyes every time Kak Aye came near you. How you jump on your feet and chased me for food and attention every morning.

I wish you knew how you grounded us all. How you were able to bring all of our dejected selves together. How you managed to save all of us from ourselves in one way or another. Everyone is missing you badly. We tried looking for you everyday for the past 4 weeks. Notices and phone calls and endless lookouts. So far it has come to no avail. Our hopes are running thin, but now and then, glimpses of positivity runs through us and we began hoping again. Even in your absence, you managed to console us, ironically.

Every night and day I think of you. Things around me reminds me too much of you. Even bad memories turned good because you were there to make me feel safe. Honestly, I’m quite broken up inside. You were the one thing I could talk to when things went spiraling out of control. I remembered crying to my heart’s content during ‘that’ period of time, and I buried my face in your fur, and you laid your paw and head on my head as though telling me that you understand. You’ve never felt more human to me. That day you stayed with me in my room for a very long time though you hardly do so. All you did was to look at me with that wide green eyes of yours and I felt so much better.

It’s going to be Ramadhan soon. You came to our house 7 years ago, during Ramadhan. We never knew your actual birthday, so we measured your age with the number of fasting month we have been through together. You swayed our hearts with your unique charm and we fell hook, line and sinker.

There were no regrets because I think you knew how much we loved you. You brought out the good in all of us just by being yourself. You’ve brought about so much happiness in all of us, more than anyone has ever shown to us, well at least to me. You were the one thing I look forward to every day. My daily routine for the past 7 years of smelling your head and tummy to forget the days’ stress when I reach home from work. I can still remember your distinct smell. Your loud purring when I carried you in my arms. Your yelp for help when I had to pin you down to wash you. Your commanding mew when you’re hungry. Your crankiness when you’re sleepy. Your insecurity every time we come back from a short trip. Your intolerance for my mother’s family (oh how alike we were when it comes to this).

Tonight I’d probably be dreaming of you again, as of every other night. I’ve accepted your absence as yet another challenge from god. All I wish for is that you’ve found another home and are safe and well taken care of. Insya allah, with god’s will, if you’re meant to come back to us, you would. Abah said you might slowly forget us, but I hope that you won’t. I hope wherever that you are, you will find it in your heart to remember us.. I miss you so much Jaja.

Well anyhow, life’s been a blessing but not any easier naturally. However, its great that I am able to seek solace and peace at work in my cosy cubicle, with a few but close group of people whom I am proud to call friends. 2 years in the service and I’m still adjusting to the idea of working. Yeah, call me a late bloomer. There’s just some things which requires time.

Speaking of time, I finally understood the need to enjoy the precious time I spent out of the working hours. 24 hours is never enough isn’t it? Well not in this country anyways. There’s a deadline for everything. At times I find myself giving ultimatums to the time I have to visit the girl’s room. ‘By 2pm, I should go to the toilet and that is it! No other time will do.’ Sad situation it has become. Just when you think you can have a breather, along comes another ‘deadline’ waltzing in. Sigh..

Well on to the next, I say! Another deadline awaits tomorrow. So I should probably get out of this comfort zone for now. It has been a rather general update of some things, which I felt should be left as such. Good night world..

Yours truly,
Miss D

My epitome of how love should be about…sincerity and respectful. Oh not to mention poetic.

Yours lovingly,
Miss D

Take that from the past! Oh pink lipstick and innocence resides in this little girl, in spite of whatever heck that had happened. Yeah I liked this song and still do. It’s diabetic-ally sweet. Hehhe.. Oh I know you would be singing along behind those screen. :p

Yours sleepily,
Miss D

I’m slowly retracting back to my shell, protecting myself from others.

Sigh..

Yours confused,
Miss D

here is my list of the things which I would want for my birthday. I am going to be very blunt about this but please do understand that I am aging and indulgence is perfectly normal. My age group demographics says so.

1) Christian Louboutin pumps : Snakeskin Mango, Decolletes Pumps (red), Fetilo Peep Toe, Spartenvol Strass, Champagne Chiffon Ambrosina Pump
2) Louis Vitton : Mahina Leather in XL, Shopper Monogram Etoile, Trevi GM (Damier Ebene Canvas)
3) Jimmy Choo : Lance, Lucia, Grant
4) Nintendo Wii with Guitar hero game set
5) Nikon D3S
6) Asus Eee PC 1005PE

Note: You can also throw in a new mobile phone along with the last point. Yeap that’d be great thank you!

So yeah, that’s what I want. Asking for the moon? I thought that its possible these days?

Your delusional lady,
Miss D