LittleMsDaisy's

What an adventurous month it has been. Alright, on with the updates!

1) Part-time Degree application
My first reason to be thankful and extremely jittery about. I’ve collected my books and lessons will commence at the end of the month. The next 3 to 4 years will be very challenging what with work and family commitments but insya allah I will pull through this. I should be very thankful that I will do this with my sister. Least the griping and mugging session and extreme exhaustion will be a shared one.

2) House application
Alhamdullilah our house application was approved despite the fact that our queue number fell out of the quota. We were asked to do a flat selection at the final phase and alhamdullilah we got it. Expected date of completion is 2014. Both our families were thrilled with the fact that we got the house on our first try. These built-to-order houses is a good test of perseverance and crazy emotions!

3) Engagement plans
So the engagement ring has been picked by the dear boy. Being the miser that I am, naturally, my first and subsequent reactions was be that it’s too pricey. But after much discussions, I finally agreed. And no, he did not propose with a ring. We come from a family with certain values and culture. Hence, the whole engagement thing has to go through the elders and family. Strangely, I don’t quite mind the whole process. It makes me feel more closer to my roots and tightens the family bond and my bond with him. I have no qualms about that. Insya allah, the engagement will take place at the end of December or early January.

It has been a smooth sailing journey thus far. Positive emotions running through both our veins. It has been extremely exhilarating and overwhelming and I have every reason to count every little blessings that’s been bestowed upon me. I have questions still lingering in my head of the what-ifs. However, for now, I feel that this is the right thing to do and he is the one who will make my life a meaningful journey. All my life, that is what I’ve been praying for. To have a meaningful life and Allah has not disappoint me so far. Right now, all I ask is for good health and focus to do what is needed.

Growing up isn’t that bad after all.

Yours,
Ms Daisy

Lately, I’ve been an emotional wreck. The unfortunate thing about this picture is that for once I’m moving on with some aspect of my otherwise stagnant life. I was accepted to do my part time degree, alhamdullilah. However, I am taking my own time in registering for my modules. The whole idea of toggling between workload and school work scares the living daylights out of me. I can only pray that I can emerge alive from this upcoming experience. Insya allah. The road which I’m going to travel for the next 4years of my life seems too uncertain for now. On a lighter note, I am going to go through all these with my sister, so hopefully the journey will be a bearable one. I can only hope so. This whole issue of being uncertain really goes to show how much of a meek person I am, naturally.

We are planning for the next step in our relationship, and it has taken a toll on me. For every step forward, I feel that I’m taking a step back or circumstances are pushing me a step back. And I admit, I am angry. Being the impatient person that I am, I would like to get it over and done with though I know its not going to be that easy. What makes me angry is that I would like for him to be on the same side as I am too. I know its not like a battlefield but I just want him to listen, understand and empathize. Tell me that everything will be alright and that we will work things out together. He is a very patient person but he is really shutting down walls on this discussion. Its a happy event and I would like for us to be happy in planning it. However, its slowly driving us away from each other. I understand that these are challenges we have to face. But this is the right thing for us to do right?

Every night before sleeping, I thank Allah for blessing me with my perfectly-imperfect family and for crossing our paths. I know that there’s a reason as to why it’s him whom I choose to love. I also know that I should love him for Allah’s sake. For now, all I could ask is for Allah to give us the strength we need to face this challenge together and learn to love each other with a purpose and not just superficially. Sigh..there’s so much questions in my head and heart. I think I’ll just stop here for now. Good night dear space.

Love,
Ms Daisy

So much to say, so I guess lets start with what I feel closest to me now. The feeling of being appreciated and loved. A feeling which not many individuals are able to feel, sadly. A friend mentioned that she has never knew the feeling of loving someone till she gave birth to her baby. I couldn’t help but feel sad hearing that. Alhamdullilah I first understood the feeling of love, not by some guy out there. But rather from my own flesh and blood. The love my siblings and parents showed me was enough to etch the true meaning of love in my head and heart. Strangely, my cat was also a contributing factor to this feeling of love I have come to understand.

Don’t get me wrong, all my previous relationships does hold some meaning at some point. But mostly, the feeling of a wasted investment concludes the whole situation. No love is worth the heartache and pain unless its for God and family. This school of thought has been further reinforced after going through some insightful experience with my pupils. The love of a mother for her child with a learning disability who is willing to leave her high paying job so that she is able to help her child. A child watching his mother battle terminal stage cancer. A child with slow (physical and mental) developments learning to like school after so much challenges. These events has taught me so much about love and the painstaking effort each of us take to love our family, love ourselves and even the heartache of losing love.

Sometimes love is all the nice words to a song. It is also all the tears we shed on our pillows in the secret of the night. It is also the control we feel to not break apart from life’s challenges. It is the warm tingle we feel when we hug our loved ones. The long whiff on our pets’ fur we take after a long day. The love we feel when we talk to God in our prayers. We might deny love at some point, but everyone will experience this feeling of love and come to love it. Its just a case of who and why.

Sinking feeling. Just one of those days where I feel like bawling my eyes out and cry like a dead soldier’s wife. Sigh..